Monday, January 25, 2010

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Junior year

Becoming greater friends with you has brought much enjoyment and pleasure this year. However, I sometimes feel like I can't be your friend. I know this problem shouldn't lead to this, and it most cases it wouldn't, but after hearing and seeing all this stuff, I really don't think I can be both your friend and hers. I don't know why I'm letting your guys' problem affect how I view you both. She has become so much more sad and angry this year, and maybe you're not a good enough of a friend to see it, but I can. I can see she's hurt, and if you even cared remotely, you would just know to back off.
I can't help but point the finger when I see she's sad. I'm at a point where I don't even know how to help her. I even get frustrated at her for just being so... foolish.
Howard always tells me to reflect on the past, thinking of all the whatifs, but... I honestly can imagine this year being much more lax if this didn't happen. Or, if I wasn't involved, but the latter suggestion would be too unreasonable.
Disliking you would be so much easier. But I can't. You're still my friend. I guess my views are still biased because I've mostly only heard one side of this whole dilemna. However, I can't dismiss the repeated times you've proved you weren't worthy of your friendship with her.
Just stop.

Monday, January 11, 2010

what does beating around the bush mean?

7:36 PM
like implying things but not really getting to the point
7:36 PM
like i always do these nice things
7:36 PM
and treat you right
7:36 PM
and make you laugh
7:36 PM
but i don't actually tell you the truth that i love you wand i want to be with you
7:36 PM
i never actually tell you that you're the most important girl to me in the whole world
7:36 PM
but i imply it through talking to you frequently
7:37 PM
and making you happy
7:37 PM
beating around the bush you know

I'm sorry.


: man
: in all honesty
: i was so sure
: i just wanted everything to stop
: and now
: im so confused

: same but I can't help not liking you
: don't be confused its your choice or not and i'm not asking for time
: just us

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Saturday, January 9, 2010

the more I talk about it

the more I am unsure about what to do. I'm going to miss it. Really.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I was so happy before

but I guess it has to end somewhere. And today might be the day. I know doing over the internet is ridiculously naive, but I just want to get it over with.
I really don't think I like you anymore and looking back, I don't know why I went along with it. Each time you joked that you didn't like me, it hurt. I took all the times you said it seriously even if I had slight feelings you were joking. I don't know why I gave you so many chances. I'm not even that kind of person. Now I look back and I wondered exactly why was I so infatuated?

Did I like the attention? Yes.
Did I like knowing that someone actually liked me and was open to share his feelings with me? Quite Possibly.
Did I like you? I did.

You did make me laugh and I enjoyed your spontaneity; it was nice telling someone problems that wasn't part of my circle of friends, but now I just.. I don't know. I can't believe my feelings for you evaporated in this "cold" winter air so suddenly. I thought things would get better after seeing you tomorrow, but all I felt was annoyed.

But I guess they're right, you are clingy, even if I won't admit it. I'm not a Destiny Child, and I can't cater 2 u... HAHA. That was a good one. But I guess you need more attention than I can give. I was so interested that I didn't even care that you had 10 "flings" so far in high school. It should've drawn a red flag, but nope, I didn't give a fuck because I "liked" you that much.

I need to end this soon. It's really getting too time-consuming.


This is new.