i don't want to complain. i don't want to seem like i'm so dependent. i don't want to come across as being too silly. i don't want to be so concerned. i don't want to seem weak.

why am I being so silly.

new marchers camp

being a bass trombone sucks as of now. It's so heavy for my weak arms. ]:

After new marchers camp, Jane was saying how during practice today she just thought of herself "I cannot believe I chose to do this for the band season. I'm stuck with this forever"

And though yes, I did choose to be a trombone, I did not sign up to be a bass trombone. I really don't know what the section leaders see in me, or if they just want to torture and make me work harder but meh I just really don't see the reasoning in why I of all people the noobs had to be stuck with a bass trombone.

It's not like my talents of playing low notes are God-send or anything.

ugh I don't know why I'm tripping balls so much over this but it just stinks. I really needa suck it up soon because I realize I can't complain this whole season but as of now

fuckkk

asb

I can't say I'm not disappointed because I am. I knew I should've worked harder but my pride got in the way. Everyone told me I had nothing to worry about, and I believed them. I realize I could've campaigned harder, but I didn't think he was doing a lot, so I didn't either. Look how wrong I was.

Losing is never fun, especially when a I know that I had a high chance of winning.

Ugh. I just feel...I don't know.

I can still clearly imagine Kayla beginning her introduction of the new Activities Commissioner. I had my head on Brian's shoulder, with my eyes closed, and Andrew Yeh's name is called. Her voice still rings in my head like an annoying bell.

I'm trying to find the silver lining but I can't. Before the results came out, I thought I wouldn't mind losing, but now that I lost, I feel incredibly different. Only when I lost did I realize how much I wanted to be a part of ASB. Yes, I won't have to see Tung everyday, but I was willing to overcome my dislike for him. I really wanted to be in ASB. I wanted to integrate myself into the student body for my last year in high school and I thought ASB would elevate my understanding and interaction with the school. I wanted to mend the somewhat frayed relationship of ASB and FBLA.

I'm so butt hurt and it's so stupid. I know it's stupid. I really need to get over myself. I'm glad no one came up to me to ask me if I were okay because I know I would've cried. I almost did when Alan and Josh walked over when I was on the phone with Wilson. LOL fuck. awkward mang. I hate crying in front of others. I feel so helpless and weak. hate that shit forsureeeeee.

Yesterday was just a total mindfuck. So many people I thought would win, lost.

fuck.

I just wanna scream.

I'm sorry

I really am.

But if Justine is right, I cannot help but feel slightly hurt by how you approached this situation.

I am confused and taken aback.

I need help and reevaluation of how I approach situations and friendships.

I feel torn and upset.

Can this fully be fixed?

Will this situation get better?

Can I just runaway from this problem.